Parent looking distressed while engaging in conflict, representing parental conflict

Did you know that approximately four out of five cases before the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (the Family Court) involve at least one party having experienced domestic violence/family violence? This is, sadly, a huge percentage, which is unlikely to decrease anytime soon. Statistics show that domestic violence is increasing in Australia. Shan Lawyers has compiled this informative blog for you on parental conflict and family violence, with a case highlighted.

Parental Conflict, Domestic Violence & Coercive Control

Although these terms are often used interchangeably, there are key differences that should be considered. Not all parental conflict is family violence, but when conflict is persistent, intense, or involves abuse, it often is family violence, also known as domestic violence.

Family violence involves an intentional pattern of coercive behaviour that’s all about exercising power and control over one or more members of a family. This power and control can take the form of financial, emotional, mental, and physical, including even sexual.

Coercive control is used by a person to control, dominate, intimidate, limit the freedom, and instil fear in another person, usually an intimate partner. Section 4AB of the Family Law Act 1975 describes family violence as violent, threatening or other behaviour by a person that coerces or controls a member of the person’s family (the family member), or causes the family member to be fearful. It is any type of behaviour that scares, hurts, isolates, humiliates, harasses, monitors, takes away another person’s freedom, or aggressively controls their day-to-day activities.

Parental conflict involves disagreements about parenting over children in which neither parent holds overarching power over the other, and neither parent experiences being fearful for their safety or well-being as a result of the other parent’s behaviour.

If you or someone you know has been affected by any of the circumstances mentioned above, or if you are struggling to establish parenting arrangements and want to understand your legal rights, book a one-on-one FREE Confidential Consultation with Shan Lawyers. We will discuss your options in a non-judgmental and highly empathic environment.

We take family violence and conflict very seriously, and so should you!

Impact on Children

Distressed child affected by parents fighting, showing emotional impact of family conflict.

Roughly three-quarters of cases brought before the Family Court involve a child who has experienced domestic/family violence. 

It has been shown through various studies conducted both here in Australia and overseas that high levels of conflict and animosity between parents negatively impact children often for life, as childhood lays down a foundation, and if this foundation is weakened with negative influences like trauma, parental conflict, etc, psychological and emotional scars form in a child’s makeup.

The fact is that children who have experienced high parental conflict or been exposed to family violence or even both are at a greater risk of developing emotional, social, and behavioural problems, which can be lifelong, than children who have not experienced parental conflict or family violence.

So, we must never underestimate the impact of parental conflict or family violence on children. It is too simplistic to argue that children are resilient and will get over it. The science shows otherwise!

You will find useful of reading the following two studies on the long-term impact of parental conflict and domestic violence on children useful:

  1. Parental Conflict and Post-Traumatic Stress in Children
  2. Impact on Children’s Development From Domestic and Family Violence

There are many more studies conducted in Australia and across the globe on the long-term impacts of parental conflict and domestic violence on children.

Good quality parenting prioritises the ability to nurture children and serves their best interests. It is essential to put children’s needs ahead of personal grievances. Treat the other parent with respect and consider the children’s wishes while focusing on their needs. Effective parenting provides structure, warmth, emotional support, and positive reinforcement, which can help mitigate the negative impact of parental conflict.

Please note – It is perfectly normal for parents to disagree sometimes. Most marriages and partnerships will experience some type of conflict; however, high levels of conflict and animosity between parents place children at a greater risk of developing emotional, social, and behavioural problems, as well as having difficulties with concentration and educational achievement.

Shan Lawyers will adopt a collaborative approach, ensuring it is safe for the children. This way, both parents can work together to create a stable environment that supports their children’s healthy development and well-being.

Parental Separation and Children

Parental separation can often lead to an increase in parental conflict with heightened stress, although for some families, the level of conflict decreases when parents do not see each other regularly. Unfortunately, for a few children, their parents remain in high conflict throughout their childhood. When parents use children to express their anger and hostility post-separation, it has been found to have the most harmful effect on children.

Examples of post-separation, high-conflict behaviours that have been identified as being detrimental for children include:

  • asking child/ren to carry hostile messages to the other parent
  • asking child/ren intrusive questions about the other parent
  • demeaning or putting down the other parent in the presence of the child/ren
  • asking the child/ren to hide information from the other parent, and
  • making the child/ren feel they need to hide positive feelings for the other parent

Does the Court Take a Broad or Narrow Interpretation of Domestic Violence? What Are the Relevant Considerations?

Gavel symbolizing justice and law used for the interpretation of domestic violence cases.

 

The Family Court in Australia takes a broad, rather than a narrow, interpretation of domestic violence, recognising that it encompasses a range of behaviours beyond physical violence, including psychological, emotional, and economic abuse. 

  • Beyond Physical Violence: Not limited to physical acts of aggression. It can include controlling behaviors, psychological manipulation, economic abuse, and intimidation. 
  • Recognising Patterns of Abuse: This often involves a pattern of behaviour rather than a single incident. This includes behaviours like stalking, harassment, and emotional abuse. 
  • Impact on Children: Exposure to violence or witnessing abuse is a significant factor in determining the best interests of the child. 
  • Economic Abuse: Controlling access to finances or employment can be a form of domestic violence. 
  • Intimidation and Fear: Behaviours that cause a family member to feel fear for their safety or well-being are considered domestic violence, even if they don’t involve physical harm. 

In summary, the Court’s interpretation of domestic violence is designed to be inclusive of the various ways in which individuals can be harmed and controlled within a domestic setting, ensuring that all forms of abuse are considered when making decisions related to family law matters, particularly when the children are involved.

What Pickford & Pickford Means for Separated Parents:

If you’re a separated parent navigating the parenting issues, Pickford & Pickford [2024] FedCFamC1A 249 offers some important lessons about how courts approach allegations of family violence, parental conflict, and the role of Independent Children’s Lawyers (ICLs). Here’s what you need to know.

Pickford & Pickford [2024] FedCFamC1A 249

Court: Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (Division 1) – Appellate Jurisdiction
Judges: McClelland DCJ, Aldridge, Austin, Carew & Williams JJ
Date of Judgment: 20 December 2024

Background

  • Parties: Mr. Pickford (father) and Ms. Pickford (mother), who were in dispute over parenting arrangements for their two children, aged 9 and 7.
  • Initial Proceedings: The primary judge made final parenting orders in favour of the mother, providing that the children live with her and spend substantial time (four nights per fortnight) with the father.
  • Mother’s Allegations: Central to the proceedings were allegations by the mother that the father had engaged in family violence, specifically coercive and controlling behaviour, emotional abuse, litigation abuse, and financial control.
  • Father’s Position: The father denied these allegations and argued that his conduct did not amount to family violence. He maintained that his actions, including his approach to litigation and financial management, were reasonable and within his rights.
  • Appeal: The father appealed the final parenting orders.

Key Issues at Trial

  • Findings of Family Violence: The primary judge accepted some of the mother’s claims, finding that the father’s conduct (including his approach to financial matters and litigation) constituted coercive control and family violence.
  • ICL Appointment: The primary judge also made orders appointing an Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) to monitor the implementation of the parenting orders for 12 months after the conclusion of proceedings.

What Did the Appeal Court Decide?

The Court acknowledged the broad legal definition of family violence but emphasised that not all directive, assertive, or even selfish behaviour is “abuse.” The intention of the alleged perpetrator is often relevant but not essential; the focus is on the effect and context. The mere assertion by a party that they felt controlled or coerced is not enough; there must be evidence that, in context, the conduct was objectively coercive or controlling. The court said that for a judge to find someone has been “coercive or controlling” (a form of family violence), there must be objective evidence. It’s not enough for one parent to simply feel controlled or to say they felt that way. The court must look at the facts and the context, not just one person’s feelings.

Not All Arguments Are Family Violence

The Court made it clear: just because parents are in conflict, or one parent is stubborn or insists on their legal rights, that doesn’t automatically mean there’s family violence. Disagreements, even heated ones, are not the same as abuse.

The ICL’s Role Has Limits

The court said that an ICL can’t be ordered to “monitor” or “assist” with the implementation of parenting orders after the case is over. Their job is to represent the children’s interests during the court case, not to act as a referee or ongoing supervisor once orders are made.

Unnecessary Findings Should Be Avoided

The court shouldn’t make findings about family violence unless it’s necessary for deciding what’s best for the children or for assessing risk. If the main issue is just how many nights the kids spend with each parent, and there’s no real risk, then the court shouldn’t get bogged down in making findings about past behaviour.

What Does This Mean for You?

  • If you’re worried about family violence, the court will look for real, objective evidence. Your feelings are important, but the court needs more than just your perception.
  • If you conflict with your ex: Not every argument or refusal to agree is family violence. You’re allowed to stand up for your rights.
  • If you’re frustrated with the process, both sides must have a fair go. If evidence is used against you, you should have a chance to respond.

Final Thoughts

Pickford & Pickford is a reminder that the family law system is focused on what’s best for the children, but it also has to be fair to both parents. Allegations of family violence are taken seriously, but they must be proven with real evidence. And once the court makes its orders, it’s up to the parents—not the lawyers or the court—to make them work. If you need assistance with making the order work for you and the other parent, you might consider engaging a parenting coordinator. This professional can help you navigate any issues and create a tailored roadmap to effectively implement the order for your family.

If you’re going through a separation, keep these lessons in mind. Stay focused on your children’s needs, be prepared to back up your claims with evidence, and remember that not every disagreement is abuse.

This blog is for general information only and is not legal advice. If you need help with your family law matter, speak to a qualified professional. Shan Lawyers is a leading family law firm in Australia.

Further Assistance

National Sexual Assault, Family and Domestic Violence Counselling Line

Police or ambulance

  • Call 000 at any time if you are worried about your or your children’s safety.

LifeLine

Kids Help Line

Telephone counselling for children and young people.

Raising Children

Online parenting information

About the Author

Portrait of Thirumalai Selvi Shanmugam for professional profile on the website

Thirumalai Selvi Shanmugam is the founder, Director, and Principal lawyer at Shan Lawyers and is a leading family law specialist in Australia whose expertise is often sought by organisations and the media.